


after the end of the world, picking up the pieces

by Anonymous



Category: The Broken Earth Series - N. K. Jemisin
Genre: Cold Practicality meets a thing called Love, Extremely Underage Victim, F/M, Gentle Sex, Loss of Innocence, Loyalty, Softer than you'd expect, Spoilers, Unchildlike Behavior, Victim Treated Like a Lover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 15:54:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Nassun begins menstruating.
Relationships: Nassun (Broken Earth)/Schaffa Guardian Warrant
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12
Collections: Anonymous, Consent Issues Exchange 2019





	after the end of the world, picking up the pieces

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fairleigh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fairleigh/gifts).

Nassun begins menstruating.

It seems silly, that after she has lived through the end of the world, after she has decided to end it herself, has moved celestial objects in the sky and soothed the Earth back to sleep, that this should frighten her so.

But in the end, Nassun is a motherless child now. Fatherless too, but that was by choice. She looks down at the pile of rocks that used to be her mother. Then, with a twist in her gut that seems to alternate between making her feel too hot and too cold in turns, she goes to find Schaffa.

.

Schaffa is dying.

Nassun knows this, which is why she has been spending as much time as she can with her Guardian as of late. He is able to walk, but just barely. He is in constant pain, pain that is unbuffered by the piece of Father Earth that used to be in him. But when he sees Nassun come in, he smiles gently.

"Nassun," he says warmly, and then catches the pallor of her face. This fear is not something she can hide, and Schaffa is highly experienced in reading emotions. "What's wrong?"

Nassun goes over to him, shaking. She nearly throws herself on top of him, curling up into his side. Schaffa is warm, and his hand immediately comes up to stroke her hair. Her hair is a curly, unruly mess and she usually hates it. But now, all she wants to do is squeeze herself so tightly into Schaffa's side that she disappears.

_You're being ridiculous_, she tells herself.

"Hi Schaffa," she says. She takes a deep breath, and then holds on to him a little tighter. She looks up into his eyes, and they are so kind, so warm and full of understanding. For a moment, she can't bring herself to go on.

But Schaffa is dying, and in pain. Nassun steadies herself, and then slowly lifts herself up, moving so that she is straddling him. Her thighs are open around his middle, and her one remaining hand is on his shoulder, so that she can keep her balance. A startling shock of heat goes through her. This position is so intimate, Schaffa is _so close_. She has seen this done before. Not with her mother and father, she had been too young for that, but on the road. She knows that this is supposed to look like, but she does not want Schaffa to be the one on top. It seems like it would be too tiring for him.

Schaffa goes very, very still. "Nassun." Strangled shock wars with horror on his face. "What are you _doing_?"

Nassun begins to move, slowly, grinding her hips against him. She isn't quite sure how this is supposed to feel good for him. She has to adjust, to scoot back a little so that she is now over his crotch area. There. _That's _better. She can feel heat stirring inside of her, but this is Schaffa, so she does not feel frightened.

Schaffa's hands come up to seize her around the waist, two large, warm hands that hold her completely still. "_Nassun_." This time, his voice is a whip crack, expecting - no, _demanding_ an explanation.

"I got my period," Nassun says. She looks at him directly in the eye. "I can have children now, and I intend to have yours."

Schaffa's mouth falls open. A shudder runs through him, and that reaction seems to shock him even further. He tries to pull Nassun off of him, but Nassun tightens her grip and squeezes her legs together, refusing to move.

"You can't do this," he sounds breathless. _Schaffa_, who has always been so unflappable and calm an in control. He stops trying to move her after several attempts show that it will be impossible without hurting her, and Schaffa has never been willing to hurt Nassun. "Nassun, think about this. You _can't_. This is so wrong, words can't even begin to describe it. For one, Nassun, I'm -"

"I don't care," she interrupts him, slowly but softly. She begins moving again, now that he has relaxed his grip a tiny bit. "Schaffa, you're all I have left. And soon, you'll be gone too."

Schaffa's face registers all the shock as if she has dealt him a blow, right to his heart. He understands. Nassun knew that he would. After all, he was there when she killed her father. He was there when she killed her mother. So much death, and so little life. And now, with Schaffa's death looming over them both, Nassun doesn't think that she can take another step, not without something to live for.

"Please," she begs. Her voice breaks, just a little. "Schaffa, don't make me go."

She doesn't know if the voice break was intentional or not. She feels flushed, and not just with embarrassment. Between her legs, she can feel something hard pressing up against her. Schaffa _is _interested, whether he wants to admit it verbally or not. But she has come here knowing what she wants, and it would take more effort to move mountains out of the way than to move her from her resolution.

Schaffa's mouth turns downward, both in pain and in acceptance. "Oh, little one." His hand comes up to stroke her hair, then her face. "Will you really be so lonely, without me? Don't you have a Com to go back to? Surely you will find someone there, someone whole and healthy, not old and dying like me."

"I don't want anyone else," Nassun says. "I want you."

Schaffa groans, and buries his face in his hands. Nassun resumes grinding against him, now that she is no longer being held still. "I never believed in heaven or hell," Schaffa says, his words muffled. "But if I don't stop you now, Nassun, I am going to hell for sure."

Nassun shrugs. Perhaps it is natural to start worrying about what exists after death, when you are dying. But she does not really care, now that it seems that Nassun will be able to get what she wants. She can feel Schaffa's length growing in hardness, beneath her, and nods to herself with satisfaction. This seems to be going right.

She lifts herself up, to take off her pants, but Schaffa catches her wrist before she can get off the bed.

"Nassun, wait -" he's breathing hard, and there's a look in his eyes that is neither warm nor gentle. Then he blinks, shudders, and takes a deep breath. When his eyes open again, they are his, and as familiar as ever.

Nassun gives him an impatient look. She will _not _be swayed, no matter what he says, and Schaffa knows she is right, in this.

"Come here," Schaffa says finally. He pulls her against his chest, and they go back down on the bed. For a long time, they just cuddle, until Nassun grows impatient.

"Do you even know what you are getting yourself into?" he asks gently.

Nassun's temper flares up. She is feeling strange, restless and - horny, she supposes. She wants to go back to grinding against him, only without any clothing in the way.

"I know what sex is, Schaffa," she says sharply. Things like naivete did not survive out in the world for long, even in children. But she is not a child. She is a grown woman now,

"No, not just that." Schaffa sighs, and resumes stroking her hair. Then his fingertips go down to her shoulderblades, where he begins drawing patterns on her back. Nassun hums in surprise, because that feels good, and allows herself to be distracted for the moment.

"I meant raising a child," he clarifies. "Alone, with no father around to help support you. Who knows if the Com will even allow you back in, if you are pregnant with an unknown baby? Worse, what if they _know _it is mine? There might still Guardians out there, Nassun, and they know that it is forbidden for Guardians to have children."

"Because their children become Roggas?" Nassun asks, looking up at him. Her expression is fierce, and she clings on to him, hugs him tightly. She _wants _that, she realizes. More than anything, she wants a child that is an Origen, one that she can raise properly, one that she can give this entire world to. A world that does not kill and hurt and eat them. A world that they could potentially conquer, with their strength and training.

Schaffa sees this determination in her, and sighs. He knows how stubborn she can be sometimes.

"I fear you will come to regret this, in time," he says. But then he buries his face in her shoulder. With a shock, Nassun realizes that _he _is trembling too. His hands are so large that they nearly cover her shoulder blades. They are incredibly warm.

"I won't, Schaffa," she promises. She lifts his face up, and kisses him, lips on his, as gently as she can.

.

In the end, Nassun is more inexperienced than she realizes. She doesn't actually know what to do next. Schaff is the one who ends up guiding her legs to where they need to be. With hands that are ever so gentle, and ever so warm, he hold her steady around the hips and guides her body down onto his.

Nassun squeezes her eyes shut. Then she forces herself to open them, to watch. She needs to know how to do this, and how Schaffa is feeling. If this starts to hurt him, then she has to stop. She does not want to hurt him any more than he wants to hurt her.

The first intrusion makes her cry out, sharply. She is tense and anxious, and Schaffa immediately begins soothing her. He runs his hands in comforting circles, up and down her sides, but avoids touching her breasts. With teeth gritted in impatience, Nassun grabs one of his hands and places it directly on her left breast. They may not be making love, and this may be more out of necessity than out of desire, but he does not need to treat her like a doll.

"Tell me what to do," she gasps. She's not sure she can do much, with her entire body screaming out in panic at the sensation of something foreign, thick and warm entering her. She knows that she must relax, but she also knows that it will hurt anyway.

"You're doing everything perfectly," Schaffa reassures her. "_I _am the one who is terrified of doing something wrong."

She does not see how Schaffa - _her _Schaffa - with all his thousands of years of experience and all of his infinite wisdom, could do something wrong. But, Nassun shrugs mentally, and prepares to give herself fully over to him. Not just as a rogga, not a child who needed protection and a father's love, but as a woman.

The thick knot of tension inside her eases slowly into heat. Then, the heat begins to flicker and light up in brief flares of desperation. Nassun stops trying to be still, and goes back to grinding again. With Schaffa's cock settled firmly inside her now, the movement is much more satisfying, but still not _quite_ enough.

"Schaffa," she gasps. "_Schaffa_ -" she doesn't know how to make this work, doesn't know if she's doing this right or wrong. One glance at Schaffa's face doesn't tell her much, other than that he is concentrating, intent and deadly focused. His eyes meet hers, and his face breaks out into a pained smile. It is not the pained smile that she is used to seeing from him, since usually Schaffa's smiles are all sincere. This one looks like he is holding himself back.

"Am I hurting you?" she asks.

"No," he replies immediately. His fingers tighten on her skin, briefly. "Am I hurting you?"

"No," she says, as if the notion is silliness itself. Schaffa barks a laugh, short.

"Oh, I'm going to hell for this," he says. "But _I don't care_."

After that, he pulls her down on top of him. Nassun buries her face into the crook of his neck, a familiar place, one that reminds her of safety and of warmth and of love. He holds her body close with arms around her waist, and thrusts up into her. This feels _much _better than her inexperienced attempts at grinding had been. Nassun closes her eyes and lets him do the work, and relaxes into it.

"Nassun," Schaffa is whispering, brokenly. His fingers clutch at her skin, at her hair. He groans, and his entire body arcs off the bed with the force of his thrusts. "Nassun, Nassun, oh, Nassun."

"I love you, Schaffa," she says, because she thinks that is what he needs right now.

He seizes her face in his hands, eyes wild, "Do you mean that?"

Nassun doesn't let him see it - but this scares her. Schaffa, losing control. "Yes," she says, heart in her mouth. Then he is kissing her, a completely different kiss than the one that she had given him. This kiss unmakes her from the inside out, turns her brain to jelly and sends fire racing down her spine. It makes her skin tingle as if little rivers of magma have started to trickle over it. She makes a sound, incoherent and helpless, without meaning to.

"I love you," he says. "I hope you forgive me for that. No, there's no forgiveness for something like that. I am a bad person, Nassun. Over time, you'll learn to understand that. I'm sorry."

To Nassun's surprise, she feels tears welling up. "I won't hate you, Schaffa," she says gently. His movements have become fiercer now, and she is dizzy with the sensation of those unceasing, rocking movements. Her legs have become weak, and she falls against him more out of necessity than by choice now. "I won't hate you, ever. It's impossible."

He kisses her again, and this time his hands go wherever they please on her body. They're so warm, and so gentle, but this time there's a possessive quality to their touch as well.

"You're too kind," he says, looking up at her. There are tears in his eyes as well. "Thank you, Nassun."

She smiles at him, although her vision has become blurry with tears. Then she presses a kiss to the side of his neck, buries her face in his chest, and floats in the endless ocean of his love until they both finally wash ashore.

  
  



End file.
